Saturday, August 25, 2018

No, she never had this number.

- Hello.
- Helloooo. Is Amy there at all?
- I think you might have the wrong number.
- Oh, she's probably changed her number then. Thank you.
- Bye.

Monday, July 30, 2018

competitive eatings

broccoli
cabbage
rice
dirt
leaves
dry biscuits
cloth
boots
brussel sprouts
alfalfa
panadol
cars

Thursday, July 12, 2018

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Top-selling blurbs

This book was really, really hard to read. I couldn't get past the first chapter.

I really didn't like this book. It was boring and hard to read.

Things Scooby Doo doesn't do that regular dogs do do

Bark
Shit on nature strips
Cock leg, piss on a post
Run to other dogs
Sniff butts
Goose
Eat shit
Roll in shit
Drink water from a bowl


Sunday, May 27, 2018

What Westpac does

He can't seem to log in.

  • The person on the roof is homeless. The bank is rescuing the homeless person. That is what banks do, they rescue homeless people. 
  • The person was made homeless by a natural disaster, a massive chocolate milk-coloured flood. Global warming increases the risk of floods. This is what banks do, they save us from global warming.
  • Westpac is helping save the homeless and fight global warming.
  • This poster is everywhere in wake of the Banking Royal Commission. 
  • If I was a graffitiing man I’d write, I feel sorry for you. Or, You don't have to lie anymore, or Fair enough, you deserve a tax cut, or Save the Homeless Helicopters.